Do you feel like there’s never enough time for you? Would you like more space to connect inward?
“Disconnect from everything long enough to see if it feeds your soul or if it’s a distraction. What’s deeply connected will always remain.” – Maryam Hasnaa
When we are caught up in the external noise of life (family obligations, work, distractive habits etc.), that generally means we are out of attunement with ourselves. This may be expressed as anxiety, fatigue, lack of self-care, irritation or depression—to name a few. In order to come back into harmony with ourselves, it’s necessary to turn down the outside noise. The following are a few suggestions for how to do that.
1) Technology detox
One of the most common forms of distractions these days is technology. Reaching for our phones is such an easy way to pass time and avoid feeling. A few months into the pandemic, I realized that my body and nervous system were impacted by the sudden shift to being online so many hours a day (for work, entertainment, socializing, exercising…). I started implementing a monthly internet-free weekend, which has been so helpful for resetting my nervous system. The last weekend of the month, I turn off my wi-fi and phone Friday evening, and turn it back on Monday morning (checking my phone once on Saturday and Sunday morning to make sure there are no emergencies). I do longer than usual meditations, journal and connect to my inner guidance, spend more time in nature, have quality time with my cat, write, and so on.
Some of the benefits are: deeper connection to self and to my intuition; feeling more present and focused; getting better sleep; slowing down; getting perspective on my life. While I know not everyone has the luxury of being able to do exactly what I described, there may be a way to adapt some part of it to meet your needs.
2) Minimizing Numbing/Distractive habits
In addition to technology, there are many habits that disconnect us from ourselves. This includes any addictive behavior (alcohol/drug consumption, food, shopping, gambling, sex/porn, compulsive thoughts and so on). While these behaviors are symptoms that something is needing loving attention, finding ways to minimize the behaviors can be helpful to make space to tune in. One of my clients has found the “Days Since” app helpful to track habits she’s wanting to do less of.
Conversely, it may be helpful to tune in (#3), give yourself compassion (#4), and start with nourishing habits (#5) before trying this one. Sometimes the distractive habits shift on their own when we are implementing the nourishing ones. Feel free to experiment and/or trust your intuition of what works for you.
3) Tuning in
I invite you to spend a little time every day (ideally) or week (depending on your time), tuning in with yourself. That can be through dance, spending time in nature, sitting in silence, journaling, painting, stretching… anything that helps you connect inward. This is best if the focus is on the process and not the outcome. In other words, you’re not trying to paint or write something “pretty,” or stretching to meet a fitness goal. While that is fine, it’s rarely conducive to a true tuning. Listen for any emotions or part that are feeling vulnerable and wanting loving attention (such as grief, fear, insecurity, anger, and so on). This could also be neglected parts such as your creativity and inner knowing.
4) Loving presence
Once you have connected with some part of you wanting loving attention, I invite you to spend some time bringing presence to it. That might be through putting your hands on your body (for example on your heart and/or belly). Doing a loving-kindness meditation. Saying affirmations. Breathing or humming. Whatever feels natural and good. Kristen Neff and Tara Brach are two spiritual teachers with many resources for self-compassion. EFT for self-acceptance can be helpful, as well.
5) Making Time for Nourishing Habits
Make a list of habits that you know are nourishing for you. You can either do this concurrently or once the parts are (hopefully) feeling more seen and heard. This can include any of the ways you used to tune in. And commit to doing one that feels manageable once a day for a minimum of 3-5 minutes. It doesn’t need to be anything big. I’ve found that 5-10 minutes of silence, stretching, and self-massage to start the day and/or close the day can have a profound effect on my clients’ feelings of well-being.
The Space in Between
The space in between
is where it all begins
The gap between words
The silence within speech
The pause from one foot to the other
The stillness within the inner storm
The breath spreading out the time
between thoughts
This is the ground of our being
where solidity dissolves
into infinite space
This noise we call life
merely veils the two-winged path
of wisdom and compassion
that gives flight to the heart
© Jenny Brav
