centering Archives - Radiant Wholeness Healing

Staying Centered in Times of Uncertainty*

Do you feel like your world has been thrown off balance? Have some of your old triggers and patterns been activated in the past few weeks (or perhaps months)?

“We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

For most of us, change and uncertainty—whether it be on an individual, community, national or global level—triggers our old wounds and coping strategies. This may look like overwhelm and paralysis, getting easily irritated, trying to manage and control things…While it may feel like we have regressed or there is no solid ground to cling to, in my experience this is a sign that we are shifting into new possibilities, and that our souls are shedding what no longer serves us. That doesn’t mean it’s comfortable, however!

The following are five tips for staying centered during chaotic or uncertain times, so we can come out on the other side relatively unscathed.

# 1. Pay attention to your patterns

When things are feeling unpleasant, many of us have default patterns we rely on. You might notice you have an emotional response such as getting angry, blaming others, or collapsing into doubt and defeatism. Or you may find yourself falling back on your favorite distraction strategies to avoid feeling, or to comfort yourself. These may include over-eating, binge-watching Netflix, playing video games, watching porn, compulsive thinking, exercising frenetically, and so on. For now, simply take note of what is coming up for you, without making yourself wrong or trying to change your behavior.

# 2. Connect to your body

During times of change, many of us go into fear mode and disconnect from our bodies (as you might see from the patterns you have been tracking). I invite you to find small ways to connect to your body, especially if you are feeling activated. Ideas for this include (but are in no way limited to):

Spend time (even 5 minutes) meditating and feeling your breath
Take a walk out in nature
Garden
Engage in a physical activity
Pat your body all over, and really feel each part as you touch it
Allow yourself to feel the feelings that are coming up

Whatever you do, keep bringing your attention back to your body, so that the activity isn’t just another way to escape from feeling.

# 3. Reach out to others

During these times, many of us (especially those on the more introverted spectrum) tend to isolate and hunker up. While having more space to connect to yourself can be healing right now, notice if isolating is exacerbating your sense of inertia/despair. If it is, be sure to reach out to those you are close to and trust. Know that you are not alone. There is a big energetic shift that many are feeling in this moment. This is a good time to reach out to healers or therapists you may have seen in the past, as having support is key right now.

# 4. Be gentle with yourself

I invite you to be very gentle with yourself, whatever is coming up. If you are struggling and reverting back to old patterns, then in all likelihood your inner critic is having a field day with you (because that’s our inner critic’s job)! In addition to noticing your patterns, connecting to your body, and reaching out for support, I suggest you give yourself as much empathy as possible. A beautiful Buddhist practice for that is that of loving kindness, also known as Metta. This is a practice where you send yourself loving intentions for your well-being, such as “may I be happy, may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I live with ease…” (click HERE for more information on the practice). If it is difficult to send yourself love, you can start with someone you can easily give love to (such as a pet, child, or loved one, and then start giving it to yourself.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

#5. Open up to what wants to emerge

Tips 1-4 should help get your body out of survival (or fight/flight) mode, meaning that you are feeling calmer, more at ease, and your nervous system isn’t as activated. If not, keep doing more of the above. If so, you can set the intention to start opening to what wants to emerge. This may take the form of asking yourself, from a calm and peaceful place: “what am I supposed to be learning from this?” or “what is wanting to emerge?” and just see what happens next. Or if you have a practice of checking in with a higher power, guides, or your higher self, you can do so and see if you get any message or advice. And remember, you are not alone.

Words of encouragement for tough times

Finally, I will leave with a few words of encouragement I wrote for my loved ones during a time of crisis:

Know that even when the shadows are dancing in the corners of your mind, you are loved.

That even when the doubts crowd your knowing, you are supported.

That hope is waiting to pull you out of the undertow of despair and disparagement.

That when you are lost in the wilderness of your pain, your light is still there, even if hidden.

And when your breath slows its frenzied race, it can reignite your soul with its loving touch.

The Inside Out Switch

Have you ever noticed that your sense of well-being can shift in a split second? That perceived criticism, an interruption, or an unpleasant interaction can instantly dissolve your inner peace?

“At the center of your being you have the answer; You know who you are and you know what you want”- Lao Tzu

From an early age, we learn to derive our sense of okay-ness from external factors. As babies, we are completely dependent on the outside world to get our needs met. As children, most of us learn to do or not do certain things in order to get approval or stay out of trouble. As adults, many of us are still looking to the outside world to reassure us that we are okay and enough. This often causes us to mistrust and split off from our own inner knowing. Trauma, neglect, abuse and social discrimination can all exacerbate this disconnect.

The inside out switch

To understand this better, imagine that you have two switches.

The first is the outside in switch. In this mode, we are looking to the outside world for validation and a sense of safety. We may be prone to reactivity, anxiety, feeling shutdown, hyper-vigilance, the need to please others, etc.
The second is the inside out switch. In this mode, we derive our sense of well-being from internal cues. Even though we interact with and are impacted by the outside world, it doesn’t determine how we feel about ourselves. The focus is generally on being and on process, rather than on doing and outcome.

A good metaphor for the inside out switch is that of a tree. Even though the outside world (for example, too much/too little rain or fires) affects it, its circumstances don’t change its basic tree-ness or sense of worth. The following are some tips for reconnecting to your own internal compass.

Awareness

The first step is to start to be aware of what happens inside you. You might set your phone reminder to go off at random times, and check in to see which mode you are in. To practice awareness, I invite you to think of a person or situation (it could also be a pet peeve) that upsets you or throws you off balance. And as you do, feel into the following:

Where is your attention as you think about this situation (is it inside of you, or outside of yourself)?
Do you notice tension in your body as you remember the situation? If so, where, and what does it feel like?
What are the thoughts or judgments going through your mind?
Is this a familiar feeling?

Whenever we are strongly triggered by something, it is likely that the situation is activating something from our past. It might be linked to repeated experiences we had, or beliefs we developed about ourselves and the world. For example, we might have had a parent prone to unpredictable rage, which led to the belief that at any moment, something terrible might happen.

As we start to identify and understand these patterns, we can have a little more space from them. We can also start bringing our attention back inside ourselves when we notice that we have lost ourselves in our focus on the external.

Grounding

Next, it is very helpful to develop a grounding practice. This is any practice that helps you 1) connect more deeply to yourself, 2) feel embodied (that is, connected to your body, rather than being purely in your head) and 3) be in the present moment. Since I am highly sensitive and intuitive, learning to set and clear my energetic boundaries has been invaluable for me in learning to ground. Walking in nature, automatic writing, sports, gardening, art etc. can all be ways of grounding, as long as it meets the above criteria.

Guided meditation to ground and set your energetic field

The following guided meditation is intended to help you learn to ground and set your energetic field. Over the next week, I invite you to tune into yourself at different times during the day. Notice if you are in the “inside out” or “outside in” mode, and see if you can switch channels.