Step into your Bigness*

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us” – Marianne Williamson

In a recent session, a client who has chronic physical pain saw herself unzipping the small, narrow suit she has been trying to fit into since her childhood, and stepping into a big, unlimited self. Her big self (which can also be seen as her essence, or whole self) was free from old patterns of either needing to collapse to be safe, or fight back to try to assert her autonomy. Her body—and in particular her joints and nerves—had so much more space to breathe when it wasn’t trying to fit into others’ ideas of who she needed to be.

Although the degree can vary widely, all of us have been wounded. As a result, we developed beliefs and coping strategies to help us understand and manage those wounds. When our circumstances change, but our beliefs and strategies do not, the latter end up perpetuating the very thing they were designed to fight against. Crises (physical or emotional, internal or external) and feelings of stuckness are usually an indicator that a part of us is ready to grow and evolve, while another (usually younger) part of us is clinging to the old strategies for dear life, terrified of what the consequences might be if we let go. The way forward is for the young self to feel heard, held and acknowledged, while simultaneously realizing that the situation has changed, and that it’s safe to let go.

Here are five tips for accessing your bigness and stepping into your power.

1. Notice your small self

Start tracking what it feels like when you are triggered, reactive, or shut down. How does your body feel? What is your posture like? What are you believing about yourself and the world? Is there a pattern to what triggers you—such as feeling misunderstood, or like you don’t matter? I invite you to keep a journal for a week or more to take note of this.

2. Explore the origins

When we are triggered, we are usually filtering and reacting to the world through wounded child eyes, even though the arguments we use to justify our reactions may tap into our adult faculties of reasoning. When you are feeling reactive or collapsed, ask yourself “what age is associated with this response?”

If nothing comes up, I invite you think about your childhood. If there was an age when you started learning X (whatever belief you identified in #1), what age/ages might it be? It might also be a timeframe more than one age. What were the situations or the people you were learning that from?

3. Send compassion to your small self

Imagine that your adult self is with that young part of you. What would have been helpful to hear back then? For example, “It’s not your fault.” “I’m proud of you.” “You’re not alone anymore, I’m here.” “You did exactly what you needed to do.”

If it feels appropriate, imagine that you are projecting images of your current life to your young self/selves. Let them know that their situation isn’t going to be like that forever, that things are going to change, and that you have resources they didn’t have.

4. Step into your big self

I invite you to close your eyes, and feel back into that feeling of a small self. Imagine that in front of you is your big, wise, essential self. If that’s hard to call up, you can also bring in a powerful energy/being you feel resonance with. For example a tree, a tiger, a mountain, a spiritual teacher or religious figure. Visualize yourself unzipping your small self, and stepping out of it. You can do that as slowly as you need to, over several days or week if necessary. When you are ready, feel yourself merging with your big and wise self and/or with the powerful being you called in. Notice what that feels like in your body. What does the world feel and look like when you look at it through your wise self eyes? Once you feel somewhat comfortable with this big version of you, you may want to bring up a person or a situation that has felt problematic to you. Does looking at it through these eyes shift your perception?

In a recent session, a client of mine merged with mountain energy. When she looked at people who had always been intimidating to her young self through mountain eyes, they seemed much smaller. She could see how they were trapped in their own pain.

5. Creative depiction

I invite you to find a creative way to further anchor this version of you into your body and subconscious. When I say creative, I’m referring to whatever way you have of accessing a deeper part of yourself. You could do this as a guided meditation, or feel yourself stepping into your bigger self as you are hiking, walking, biking, running, swimming, paragliding… You can draw/paint it, write a poem on the theme, or dance the transition from small self to big self. You could do a body sculpture or mime it. A combination is also possible. I wrote a poem entitled “Ode to my small self,” drew a picture of myself shedding the old patterns and fully stepping into my essential self, and have been visualizing it in some of my daily meditation practices. Just in case the universe didn’t get it the first time.

I wish you luck on your journey, and feel free to leave a comment on how that went for you.

The following is a guided meditation for stepping into your wise self.

 

© 2020 Jenny Brav

 

 

 

 

 

Step into your Bigness*2023-06-20T11:50:38+00:00

Healing Childhood and Family Wounds*

Do you feel like your childhood wounds are still interfering with your life? Does being with and/or thinking about your family trigger strong reactions in you?

“When we’re all living in the space of the inner child, loving, honoring, respecting, and embracing its desires, we are at peace.” Kim Ha Campbell

Most of our core wounds come from our childhood experiences. We might have gotten the message that we were too much, not enough, that parts of us weren’t acceptable and had to be hidden. We may have experienced neglect, abuse or other forms of trauma. The beliefs and coping strategies we developed as a result often stay with us long after our circumstances have changed.

Whether we are still in touch with our family or not (and whether our family members/caretakers are alive or not), the holiday season and certain anniversaries can be triggers for all that old stuff to come to the surface. Similarly, the old patterns often rear their heads when we are on the cusp of big transitions, and one part of us (usually the current, adult self) is ready to change, while another part (usually a very young self) is terrified and thinks change means certain death.

The following are five tips for beginning to heal childhood and family wounds:

1. Identify the wounds

Most of the time, we are not even aware of the old programing that is still running our thoughts and our nervous systems. Something happens, and whatever we are feeling and thinking feels like the truth: we are being dismissed, or victimized. Others really don’t care and can’t be trusted. However, these are just beliefs, the lens through which we are interpreting events. The first step is therefore to identify what the wounding and the beliefs are.

Is there a feeling or thought that is often recurring for you? For example, do you have a story that you are not welcome, or that nobody sees you? Perhaps think of a recent situation that triggered a strong reaction, or a difficult interaction with a family member. What were you believing about yourself or the other in that moment? Examples include: “I don’t matter,” “I’m invisible,” “others’ needs matter more than mine,” “I can either honor myself or please others, but not both,” “showing vulnerability is weak, and others will take advantage of me…” Write down your belief.

2. Feel into the emotions

To go more deeply into the wound, I invite you to notice what emotions come up for you when you are believing the words you wrote down in #1. These might include sadness, frustration, helplessness, rage, fear, confusion and so on.

When you access these emotions, check in with your body and notice the physical sensations there. Does any area get tight, achy or jittery? Does any part of your body (or perhaps even the whole body) feel distant or numb? There is no need to try to fix or change it, we are simply exploring and getting curious about what is there, what is wanting our attention.

3. Trace the belief and feelings back in time

Closing your eyes, imagine that you are following the belief, emotions, and physical sensations back in time, to a time, situation or place when you first or most significantly felt something similar. You might get a memory, or just a felt sense of something. You might also access a time period more than a specific incident. What was happening at the time? How was your young self feeling? What was he/she learning about him/herself and the world? What was s/he deciding to do to cope with the situation?

4. Bring love and healing to your young self

The wounding happened because your young self was needing something he/she didn’t get. Common unmet needs include safety, connection, feeling seen/understood, feeling that our voice matters and so on. The best way to begin healing the wounds and upgrading our coping strategies is to start offering that missing experience to the young self. What were they needing that they didn’t get?

Once you have a felt sense of your young self, imagine that your current self is entering the space with your young self. Let them know you are there to support them. Say something to them that would have been really helpful for them to hear at the time. “It’s not your fault.” “I’m here, I’ve got you.” “You are perfect exactly as you are.” “Their inability to be there for you in the way you need reflects on them, it has nothing to do with your needs.” Or if what your younger self is needing is physical presence more than words, you can feel yourself holding that part of you, giving him/her love.

 5. Start imprinting new possibilities

Give your younger self an energetic hug. Let them know you will keep on checking in on them. Now imagine that you are fast forwarding in time to a time when you have released that belief about yourself and/or the world. You realized that it was just a belief you developed when you were very young as the best way you could make sense of your experiences at the time. It’s not the actual truth.

What new belief would you like to replace the old one with? How are you feeling and living your life with this new programming? Feel and imagine it in as much detail as possible. And if it doesn’t feel accessible yet, keep doing the first four suggestions until it does. When you are ready, visualize yourself dropping this image of you operating on this new belief into your crown, and letting it permeate all the neural pathways that have been conditioned to the old belief. Feel it spreading to all the cells, muscles and tissues in your body. Placing your hands on your heart, imagine you are filling your heart with this new belief. When your heart feels full, feel it radiating back out into the universe.

The following is a guided meditation for healing your younger self based on the above tips:

 

 

© 2019 Jenny Brav

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Healing Childhood and Family Wounds*2023-07-11T11:41:30+00:00

Beyond a Scarcity Mindset *

 

 

Does it seem like there’s never enough (time, money, appreciation etc.)? Do you feel tight and contracted when you think of the future? Do you compare yourself to others to assess how you are doing?

 

“Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature.” – Steve Maraboli

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into” – Wayne Dyer.

Scarcity thinking is tight, competitive and narrow – predicated on the belief that there isn’t enough to go around. We are constantly scrambling – after time, validation, success – in order to prove that we are enough. This mindset is an adaptive response to external threats, and most likely stems from survival strategies developed by our ancestors. When resources are limited, being territorial and aggressive can help give us a competitive edge over others. Nowadays, however, for many of us this survival-based scarcity mentality is a stress-based negative feedback loop, fueled by our beliefs and past experiences rather than our current reality. Instead of helping us survive, it keeps us from thriving and manifesting our dreams.

During a session with one of my clients, we explored what we called her scoreboard – the way she was mentally keeping track in her relationships of who had the upper hand in generosity and giving. Although her scoreboard arose from a childhood experience that her needs were not important and from a desire for reciprocity, at this point it was just keeping her trapped in a small, contracted, and “tit for tat” world.

In this post, I will be describing nine ways of identifying and understanding the scarcity mindset, as well as eight tips for tuning into an abundance mindset.

Nine ways of recognizing when you are in a scarcity mindset:

1. Fight or flight mode

A scarcity mindset is intricately woven into being in survival mode. Many of us live in a state of hyper-arousal, where the slightest stressor gets interpreted by our nervous systems as a threat to our survival. Anxiety, hyper-vigilance, fear, reactivity and defensiveness are often signs of a scarcity mentality.

2. Not enough-ness

The basic premise for scarcity thinking is the idea that there isn’t enough to go around. Whenever we have a feeling that either we or others are not good enough, or that there isn’t enough [time, money, love, etc.] to go around, it is a good indicator that we are in scarcity mode.

3. Competitiveness

When there isn’t enough to go around, we need to fight for what’s ours, or somebody else will get our share. When we are in scarcity mode, we operate on a zero sum game of winners vs. losers. We are constantly trying to prove our worth. Even if we want to, it can be difficult deep down to celebrate others’ happiness and success, because it seems to highlight our own failure. As such, competitiveness, possessiveness, and envy can all point to a scarcity mindset.

4. Right/wrong thinking

Linked to a competitive win/lose mindset is right/wrong thinking. This is a black and white lens through which we view the world. In this mindset, we are constantly trying to prove that we are right, and differing viewpoints feel like a threat to our survival.

5. Keeping score

Another indicator of scarcity thinking is if we have an internal scoreboard that is keeping track of who did what. While fairness and reciprocity are both important values for many of us, tit for tat thinking can prevent us from accessing a space of open generosity and trust. For some people, paranoia and feeling like others are against us may also be tied to keeping score.

6. Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Another aspect of scarcity thinking is that even when things are going well, we are always waiting for something bad to happen. This is also linked to the negativity bias, by which we are evolutionarily trained to pay attention to negative cues in order to survive. As such, our attention is skewed towards remembering what is wrong rather than all the things that are going well.

7. Contraction and tightness

When we are in a scarcity mindset, our body is tight and contracted – ready to pounce at any moment, or in a state of fear. As such, a good way to know if we are in scarcity mode is to track our bodies.

8. Dissociation

Alternately, especially when we have a history of trauma, we may disconnect from our bodies altogether. This may take the form of a freeze state, where we feel stuck and dazed, unsure of what to do. Or our minds may take over, trying to manage everything by trying to figure things out.

9. Collapse or control

Another indicator of operating in a scarcity mindset is when we vacillate between states of collapse and control. In the first, we may feel powerless, hopeless, or in despair, and we have a sense of being at the mercy of the universe and others’ whims. In the other, we are trying to manage and control everything. Linked to the control mode is resistance to what is, and the feeling that things should somehow be different than they actually are.

So now that we have identified when we are operating from a scarcity mindset, how can we shift that?

8 tips for fostering an abundance mindset:

1. Acknowledge the scarcity mindset for its intention

When we make ourselves and our patterns wrong, we are merely reinforcing the right/wrong thinking. The first step to being able to shift out of this mindset is recognizing that we developed it for a reason. Oftentimes, the scarcity mindset is either a direct response to our childhood experience, or a pattern we inherited from our ancestral lineage – or both. Either way, acknowledge how being in survival mode helped you and/or your ancestors survive and get to where you are today. And start feeling into the possibility that this mindset no longer serves you.

2. Connect with your body

As noted above, a surefire way of identifying that you are in scarcity mode is tuning into your body. Start tracking when your body feels tight, numb, or when your thoughts spinning out of control.

Once you notice your patterns of tension and checking out, begin to cultivate ways of connecting to your body. This may be as simple as taking a deep breath or putting your hands on areas that feel tense. Or you may want to take up mindful practices such as meditation, qigong or yoga.

3. Keep a gratitude journal

A great way to counter the scoreboard mentality and the negativity bias is to start tracking all the things that are going well, and all the things you are grateful for. You can carry a notebook around with you to jot things down as they come to you, or write in a journal before going to bed, so the last thing you think of before sleep is all that went well, rather than mulling over problems. This isn’t about ignoring or neglecting actual problems needing attention, but is intended to start shifting your perspective from scanning for what’s wrong to recognizing the beauty accessible in each moment.

4. Acknowledge yourself and others

Once you start developing your capacity for gratitude, continue building that muscle by acknowledging yourself and others. You might also start tracking in your journal all the things you did right. In scarcity mode, we are often waiting for others to acknowledge us, whereas when we start tuning into an abundance mindset, we are able to give that to ourselves. And once you do, I invite you to start making it an intention to acknowledge and appreciate those around you. You may find that when others feel valued rather than criticized, their attitude towards you will shift too. And that way we can start valuing what we have when we have it, rather than just when we lose it.

5. Cultivate a win-win mindset

From an abundance perspective, rather than there being a finite amount of happiness to go around – meaning that if one person thrives, someone else is miserable – we recognize that we are all here to flourish and to inspire others to do the same. So the next time you feel like you have to fight for recognition, or that someone else’s success is taking away from you, ask yourself how things would be if this were a “win-win” game, rather than a zero sum game.

6. Begin to accept what is

Part of what keeps us stuck in a scarcity mindset is the belief that things should be different than they are, which leads us to resist reality. In order to start shifting out of that mode, I invite you to start noticing when you are fighting with the way things are (which might include fighting with how you are). And ask yourself: what is the resistance achieving for me? What would happen if I assumed that everything is as it should be?

7. Go on a technology/media fast

Although technology is an integral part of most of our lives, an over-consumption of news and media can exacerbate a scarcity mindset due to a) advertisements and programs that feed our fears, b) news that is focused on disasters and crises c) a plethora of distractions with which we can check out. For a week, try limiting your media consumption to certain times of the day, and notice how that impacts your perspective on things (including your sleep, which is vital to an abundance mindset).

8. Imagine you are co-creating your life with the universe

When you find yourself oscillating between collapse and control, ask yourself what it would be like if you were co-piloting your life with the universe. Rather than being at the mercy of the world or in total control of everything, see if you can find that sweet spot where you set a course, while trusting that wherever you are has its own wisdom you may not have the perspective to understand right now.

© Jenny Brav

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond a Scarcity Mindset *2024-05-28T11:58:53+00:00

Inviting in Fun and Play

Does life often feel heavy and overwhelming? Do you wish for more flow and ease?

“Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold” – Joseph Chilton Pearce

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

Whether there was space for fun and play when we were children or not, most of us learned that by the time we are adults, it’s time for us to get serious. That wanting to integrate play into our lives is immature and irresponsible. However, a number of studies and books have explored the importance of play for adults, such as Dr. Stuart Brown’s book Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. In fact, play can help improve our memory, our ability to connect to others, and can mitigate the effects of depression and anxiety.

The following are 6 tips for inviting in more fun and play into your life, and also understanding the difference between play and behavior that may be self-sabotaging/addictive.

1) Identify beliefs about life/work/being an adult

On a scale from 1-10 (10 being the highest), how would you rate the amount of fun and play you integrate into your life? And remember that rating isn’t about good/bad or right/wrong, it’s just information for us to be able to better assess and understand the kind of life we want to be creating for ourselves.

If the number is low, ask yourself what messages you received as a child about life and work. Were the adults in your life having fun and enjoying themselves? And if they were, was it in a way that was contagious and joyful for those around them, or in a way that could be neglectful and harmful to you and/or others they loved? You might want to write down some of these beliefs and experiences.

2) Clear childhood wounding around play/creativity

There are many ways we may have been wounded around play and creativity. Some of us had a lot of space to play and be creative as children, but find it difficult to integrate that into our adult lives (or to know how to balance play and work). Others of us have wounding around play and creativity, either because of the messages we received that we weren’t good enough/it wasn’t a serious activity to engage in, or because the conditions we were growing up in didn’t provide space for it. Play can feel like something only the privileged have access to. Bullying experienced at school and other forms of trauma can also be associated with recess and “play time.”

I invite you to feel back into that younger self. If it is accessible, send him/her/them empathy for those messages and experiences you identified in #1 and #2. Let them know that you are sorry they had to go through that. That you are proud of them for developing the coping strategies they did in order to survive. Let them know that you are doing everything you can to allow them to have a different experience now. That it’s possible life can be both fun and intentional.

3) Understand the difference between play and addictive behavior

Some of us learned (or had modeled for us) ways of dealing with overwhelm and the seriousness of life by checking out, or indulging in behavior that might on the surface of it seem fun, but is actually getting in the way of feeling whole and self-actualized.

Although there are exceptions to the following depending on the beliefs we have, in general, one of the differences between play and addictive behavior is how present we are during, and how much it feels like a choice. When we engage in addictive and/or self-sabotaging behavior, it often feels like we don’t have any control over our behavior, and some part of us feels split/ashamed about our behavior. There may also be guilt and shame about play and fun that is nourishing to our soul too if we learned it was irresponsible to have fun, for example. But that kind of guilt usually has more of a nagging quality.

The point is not that one is good or bad. We want to thank the pattern/behavior we have developed for its intention – for example, to prevent us from feeling uncomfortable emotions or to honor our right to have fun. And start bringing in the possibility that there are other ways to meet those needs.

4) Write a joy list

I invite you to make a joy list to help identify what makes you happy. For example, singing, reading, dancing, building things, making art, going to the gym, star gazing, camping, gardening, riding a motorbike, cooking, listening to music, and so on.  If there are things you loved doing as a child which you have stopped doing, you may consider adding those as well. For many of us, life starts feeling a little sterile when we are always doing the same things. Your joy list could include doing something new each week. If you spend a lot of time in your head for work, then doing something that includes the body might be a great way to hit the reset button.

5) Create a joy box/drawer

Looking at your joy list, put a star next to the top 5 that feel both doable and fun (or more if you wish). Write each one on a separate sheet of paper, and put it in a small box. Each week (or month), you can pick a different one, and commit to doing it in that time frame. Alternately, in her book “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy,” Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests creating a “comfort box” of things you can pull out on days where life looks bleak. It can include games, crayons, puzzles, stuffed animals, magazines, jokes and so on.

6) Create more time in your schedule

Now that you have your list, make space in your schedule. You may block off specific time for fun in your calendar. Or you might schedule “fun dates” with yourself, with friends or with a partner. And as with most things, it’s not so much the “what” as the “how” that’s important. You might consider the possibility that there is no way of getting this wrong.

 

Play is my soul coming home to roost.
It’s my nervous system rediscovering its right to feel safe,
And my essence reclaiming its innocence.
As I let go of shoulds and expectations
I find my way back into my body.
Knotted muscles unwind,
Loosening their iron grip on my bones.
I am home

© 2018 Jenny Brav

Inviting in Fun and Play2019-06-25T11:20:59+00:00

Clearing Ancestral Baggage *

Do you have beliefs and patterns that you feel like you were born with? Is there a history (known or surmised) of trauma in your ancestral lineage?

 

“When we heal ourselves, we heal the past, the present, and the future (…).There are four things our ancestors need from us: acknowledgment, validation, understanding, and forgiveness.”

– Steven Farmer, Healing Ancestral Karma

 

Beliefs and coping strategies that enabled our ancestors to survive often get hardwired into the next generations’ DNA, whether it is relevant to their situation or not. These may be inherited or learned from our parents, and/or may go much farther back. For example, my father’s ancestors were Latvian Jews who endured centuries of occupation and oppression. Some of the beliefs I have been untangling from that heritage are: “it’s not safe to pursue your dreams,” “we need to stay below the radar,” and “we need to work ourselves to the bones just to scrape by.” My father defied the first belief when he gave up a promising career and moved to Paris to be a writer, but he eventually had to give up on that dream to make a living. When I chose to leave the humanitarian world and pursue a vocation as a healer and writer, I found myself confronted with many obstacles and challenges. It wasn’t until I began to heal and clear some of the ancestral wounds, beliefs and coping strategies that things began to shift for me.

The following are just a few indicators you may have ancestral baggage that needs clearing:

  • You are replicating familial habits or coping strategies
  • You have hyper vigilance patterns that don’t match your past or current reality
  • You have patterns and beliefs you feel you were born with
  • Success and/or failure stories have been passed on as part of the family lore
  • Thinking about your family history (known or not) feels heavy
  • You feel stuck and don’t know why

The following are seven tips for clearing ancestral baggage:

1. Identify the pattern

First, identify a pattern or area of your life that you feel stuck in, that you sense you might have inherited. For example, are you wanting to leave your job, but fear is holding you back? Do you have a chronic health issue that is preventing you from thriving? Do you struggle with balancing your needs and those of others in your relationships and/or friendship?

2. Identify the belief

Now that you have identified the pattern, what belief do you think might be driving it? For example, “I’m the only one I can trust,” “if I’m not careful something really bad might happen,” “others’ needs matter more than I do.”

3. Trace the belief back in time

Imagine that you are tracing this belief back in time to the first time you started believing something similar. What was happening at the time?

Once you have spent a little time with any memory that might come up, I invite you to keep going back in time, until before your birth, to a time that one of your ancestors might have started believing this. You might get a felt sense of something, hear something, or get a visual.

If nothing comes up for you that’s totally fine. You might ask yourself: “did I learn this from my ancestors?” and see if you get a yes. You can also do automatic writing, where you write the question, and then jot down any answer you get.

If you get a yes, you might ask if it was on your mother’s line, or your father’s line. If you were adopted, you can do this for either your birth parents or your adoptive parents.

4. Explore the belief’s intention

When you have a sense of where this might have come from, ask the belief what its function is. What was going on at the time that your ancestors needed that belief to protect them? What strategy did your ancestor/s develop to survive?

5. Acknowledge the ancestors and validate their sacrifices

Once you have a sense of who might have developed this belief and why, I invite you to write the belief down, and perhaps light a candle or set up sacred space in any way that works for you. You can do this even if you aren’t sure where it came from, you just know somehow that there’s an ancestral component to it. Acknowledge your ancestors for the sacrifices they made to in order to survive and provide for their offspring. Let them know how smart it was of them to develop this belief and strategy, that it was exactly what they needed to do at the time.

6. Ask for their support in releasing it

Imagine that you are projecting a video of your current life for your ancestors, so they see how different your life and current circumstances are from theirs. Let them know that if/when you release this belief, you will be doing it in order to honor their sacrifices, and give back to them. Ask for their support in releasing the old belief and coping strategies, knowing that releasing it for you will also enable them to experience something different—through you. If/when it feels like you are ready, imagine that you are letting go of the old belief. If you wrote it down, you might tear it up. If it feels like something is in the way or blocking you, you may need to spend more time with the belief, your ancestors, and/or the young version of you who started developing this belief.

7. Replace the old strategy with a new one

Now, write down a new belief you would like to replace the old belief with. For example: “I can follow my dreams and be financially secure;” “it’s safe for me to shine.” “I am supported by the universe.” Imagine you are bringing this new belief into your crown (the top of your head). Feel it start to permeate the neural pathways that have been conditioned to the old belief. Then, feel it spreading through the rest of your body and into all the cells that were impacted by the old belief.

Additional resources for healing ancestral wounds:

  • “Ancestral Medicine: rituals for personal and family healing”, by Daniel Foor
  • “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn
  • “Healing Family Patterns: Ancestral Lineage Clearing for Personal Growth” by Ariann Thomas.

© Jenny Brav

 

 

 

 

Clearing Ancestral Baggage *2022-12-20T13:58:32+00:00

Why Slow is Smart

Do you feel as though you’re constantly running after time, but can never catch up? Can it be challenging to relax, with all the things you need to do?

“Sometimes our stop-doing list needs to be bigger than our to-do list” – Patti Digh

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As a child—whether I was eating, thinking, speaking, playing with friends, reading, or solving a problem—I liked taking my time. However, I was soon taught that time is a precious commodity that shouldn’t be wasted. That’s when I learned the art of multi-tasking, making endless to-do lists, and being more productive. And while I went on to lead a full and interesting life, the cost in terms of stress levels and their impact on my health was high. It wasn’t until I started meditating ten years ago that I began reconnecting with and valuing the part of me that likes to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n.

The devaluing of slowness
In our society, we associate slowness with laziness, stupidity, lack of direction, and so on. From an early age, we are rewarded (i.e., at school, at home, at work, in sports) for being fast. As such, our culture is highly addicted to speed—and I don’t mean the drug. While there is nothing wrong with efficiency, running from one thing to the next is a great way to numb out and avoid having to feel.

In recent years, we’ve seen counter movements to help people create more space in their lives. The slow food movement sprang up to challenge the fast-food mentality, slow fashion to bring durability back into our wardrobe. SuperSlow exercise is based on the premise that we build muscle more efficiently when we lift weights at slow speeds. And mindfulness has become part of mainstream parlance. Despite these movements, the general trend still seems to favor ever faster and more complex.

The following six tips can help you start slowing down. As counter-intuitive as it might seem, the more you slow down, the more time you will find you have. I promise.

1) Notice your body
When we are living in Speedville, our life is governed by our thoughts, and we lose touch with our bodies. Our bodies may then feel neglected/abandoned (often mirroring how we felt as a child), and may develop physical symptoms, which force us to slow down and change our habits. I invite you to start paying attention to your body periodically throughout the day. (You could program your phone at random to remind you, if you wish.) Are you breathing? Where do you feel tight? If your body had a message for you, what would it be?

2) Connect with what you are trying to avoid
Whenever we are going a mile a minute, we are often trying to fill a void, or avoid something. When you feel as though your life is speeding out of control, I invite you to slow down, and start investigating. Is some part of you needing attention?

Loneliness, grief, shame, and anger are often emotions at the root of avoidance. Once you connect with what is behind the avoidance, make space for your feelings. Breathe into them. Give yourself empathy for whatever is there.

3) Do less
Look at your tasks for the day/week, and prioritize them. And schedule in breaks. Do one thing at a time, as much as possible. Although multi-tasking is highly valued, and to some extent hard to avoid, we are actually more efficient, and so much more present, when we can focus on one thing at a time. “Device-free” time slots—especially the first hour after waking up, and the last hour before going to bed—can change the quality of your day and sleep.

“Sometimes I think there are only two instructions we need to follow to develop and deepen our spiritual life: slow down and let go.” – Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 

4) Do things more mindfully
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist Vietnamese monk who has centers in France and the United States, is one of the biggest proponents of applying mindfulness to daily activities. Everything you do can be an opportunity to be mindful. While stopped in traffic or at a light, breathe and touch base with yourself. When walking, slow down, and feel the connection with the Earth with each step. I have found that waiting for BART (the Bay Area Rapid Transit train) is a great time for walking meditation. My favorite, though, is eating meditation: food tastes so much better when I slow down to taste it.

5) Bring yourself back to the present
A key to slowing down is being in the present moment. So much of our mental energy gets expended on ruminations about the past or worrying about the future. When you notice that you are talking to someone or doing something, but your mind is off on a totally different track, gently bring yourself back. Being present takes practice, but it may shift the quality of your life and your relationships significantly.

6) Take stock of what you have
Hurrying is inherently tied to a feeling of scarcity—of not having enough time, or being enough. When we abide in the state of “not enough-ness,” we bring a frenetic energy of fear and anxiety to our doing. One of my most helpful practices is writing a quick list of all the things that went well that day before going to bed, to counteract any part of my mind that tends to latch onto whatever went wrong.

A good way to slow down is therefore to start noticing all the things that are OK (or even good!) about this moment. I invite you to do this right now. Breathe. Feel your body. And ask yourself: What is OK right now? Then start feeling into the perfection of the moment.

© Jenny Brav

Why Slow is Smart2018-02-23T04:46:37+00:00
Radiant Wholeness Healing, 3099 Telegraph Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94705 | (510) 221-6426 | Copyright 2016 Jenny Brav | All Rights Reserved
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