Inner Child Healing Excerpt from The Unbroken Horizon

In my debut novel The Unbroken Horizon, first place winner in the CIBA awards for late historical fiction, one of my main characters goes on a journey to heal her childhood wounds, In the following passage, Sarah, a 34-year-old humanitarian nurse, has just re-read journal entries from when she was thirteen. At the time, her father had just died of a sudden heart attack, and her surgeon mother decided to take a Fellowship in Paris, and cart her grieving daughter half-way across the world.

As you read it, I invite you to feel into what age (or age range) is clamoring for your attention? What beliefs was that child part developing about him/herself? What would you want the younger you to know? What new beliefs would you like to replace the old ones with?

I closed the journal, feeling a tight ache in my heart, reliving both the powerlessness and the rage. My mother loved structure and precision, hence her career as a surgeon. She couldn’t stand the messiness of emotions. Teenage drama especially got her hackles up, so I had had to swallow my indignation and go along with whatever decision she made, all the while fuming inside. I didn’t think my mother had ever been an adolescent. I imagined her born with a scalpel in her hand and a string of obsequious interns hanging on her every word.

Leaning into that time in my life and remembering my session with Patrick [her therapist], I wondered what my younger self was learning then. I reopened the journals and reread the last entry.

“Thirteen-year-old Sarah. What are you learning?” I asked, and closed my eyes.

After a second or two, the words started coming. Opening my eyes again, I grabbed my current diary, and started writing what came to me without thinking too much:

“I can’t trust anything.”

“I will lose the people I love. There’s no point in getting too attached.”

“I have to forget the past and keep moving forward, no matter the cost.”

I paused, noticing a tight lump in my chest. My breathing was shallow, and with great effort, I attempted to slow it down.

“You still live your life that way,” I berated myself. From my work with Patrick, I was starting to see the ripple effect of that belief into the next twenty-plus years of my life.

I felt overwhelmed. Could I really heal that pattern? It felt so deeply ingrained. And if I did, who would I be?

Next to the February 28 entry, I wrote a possible new belief for myself.

“What if it’s safe to trust?”

I put my hands on my heart and whispered to my thirteen-year-old self: “That’s what I want for you.”

“Yeah, right, as if!” I imagined my teenager retorting.

My legs were feeling antsy and tight again, so I decided to go for the run I’d skipped earlier. When I came back, I felt a little lighter and calmer.

© Jenny Brav

Inner Child Healing Excerpt from The Unbroken Horizon2023-05-30T13:55:39+00:00

Updating Soul Contracts *

Soul Contracts are agreements we come in with which can provide a spiritual guideline for our human experience, but may also carry Karmic baggage we are needing to heal and clear in this lifetime. Soul contracts can be made with other souls—we may have chosen to support each other in our paths, or we may have unresolved issues we need to work through.

These agreements can also be ones we’ve made for ourselves. For example, I have come to realize that I came in with a servant’s contract to use my life force energy in the service of helping others thrive. I accessed lives where I was a monk, soldier, servant, house wife, social outcast, and sharecropper. In this lifetime, when I first started my practice, rather than clients, I kept on attracting project where I used my skills to promote others life work. That changed when I cleared that contract. I also came in with a contract that I couldn’t heal until everyone else was healed, and that’s one I’ve been working on releasing.

Contracts may be linked to limiting beliefs, but are stronger, more deeply engrained, and more intractable. As long as the agreements are working for us, we don’t need to do anything about them. In this blog post, we’ll be exploring those that need updating or even releasing (if no part of them serve you).

Soul Contract Indicators

  • There is a relationship with someone (it can be with a family member, a colleague, a friend, an intimate partner) that really gets under your skin. And you recognize that your reactions are probably disproportionate to the situation
  • You are being guided to follow a certain path, but obstacles keep on coming up
  • You keep repeating the same patterns over and over, and you’re not sure why
  • You feel like you’ve done a lot of healing on a belief, but it’s not shifting
  • It feels like every time things are going well you get knocked down by something unexpected

Common Soul Contracts

  • My life is in service to others (this can be a general contract, or a specific one with one person’s soul)
  • I need to earn/prove my right to exist
  • Either/or contracts (i.e. I can have freedom or security, autonomy or connection, money or integrity, follow my dreams or have stability)
  • Family loyalty contracts (to be accepted by the family, I need to …)
  • Survival contracts (to survive I can’t be visible, make waves, speak my truth, stay in one place etc.)
  • You have a pattern or belief that doesn’t seem to match this lifetime (true for past life and ancestral contracts)
  • You have an unexplained fear or phobia
  • You have nightmares that feel very real and feel like some other lifetime

Ancestral contracts are often ones that helped our ancestors survive tough times (like conforming to strict social norms, or sticking together as a family) and have been passed on from generation to generation even though the circumstances have changed. Conversely, they may be trying to compensate for an ancestor’s perceived mistake (like following their dreams and being destitute, flaunting social rules and being shunned/shamed, being rich and taking advantage of those around them).

Past life contracts are often developed to try to make sure a trauma that happened in that lifetime doesn’t happen again. Unfortunately, the contracts almost invariably end up keeping us trapped in the traumatic feelings, even though the situation isn’t happening now.

The following are tips for updating or releasing outdated soul contracts:

  • Identify the Contract

There are different ways of identifying the gist of the contract (it’s fine if you have a general sense of it but don’t know all the details). These include: automatic writing, hypnotherapy/meditation, asking an inner guide, spiritual readings (oracle or Tarot cards, Psychic, Akashic, Psychic etc.), tracking a common theme to your patterns.

  • Acknowledge the Intention

Once you’ve identified the contract, acknowledge its intention (for example protection, safety, avoiding judgment, a sense of belonging, getting validation etc.). Send gratitude to the contract for the ways it has served you.

  • Heal the Wounding

Bring loving attention to the child part, ancestor, past life self, Karmic relationship and what they went through that le them to develop this contract. Let them know that when and if you release the contract, it won’t be dishonoring their experience and sacrifices. To the contrary, it’s your way of giving them what they couldn’t have back then.

  • Release or Update the Contract

If you wish, feel free to light a candle, or set ritual space in whatever way you feel called to (this is optional). Imagine you are holding the contract in your hands (you can also write it down on a piece of paper). Nod to it, and express gratitude for how it served you. And then release it into energy and light. You can also tear up or burn (if you can do it safely) your piece of paper, or modify it as needed if it just needs an update.

The following video will also guide you in identifying and/or releasing your contract.

 

 

 

 
Copyright © 2022 by Jenny Brav. All rights reserved.   

Updating Soul Contracts *2022-11-29T13:23:36+00:00

Your Existence is NOT on Trial *

Do you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth? Do you fear judgement, and take others’ comments very personally?

“Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy.” – Roy T. Bennett

“You’ll never know who you are unless you shed who you pretend to be.” – Vironika Tugaleva

Many of us live life probationally. As though our very existence were on trial, and we have to prove our worth in order to get to stay. To this end, we may expend much of our energy trying to do the “right” thing and to please others so we get validation that it’s okay we’re here. Or we strive to check societally endorsed boxes of success (unfortunately, nothing is ever enough). Conversely, we may be guarded, bracing for the judgment that we’re sure is about to come. Constantly on the defensive, gathering rebuttals and justifications to counter any incriminating evidence that we fear will come our way.

There are plenty of valid reasons for this. As children, many of us learned through the parenting we received and/or the educational system we went through that our value would be measured by our performance and/or behavior. As such, we disconnected from our inherent sense of worth, and learned to change or temper some parts of ourselves to get approval or avoid punishment. Additionally, many of us have histories of persecution due to gender, race, religious beliefs, class, ethnicity, sexual orientation (and so forth) somewhere in our lineage. These actual lived experiences of being shunned often get passed on in our genetic makeup and responses to life.

However, when our strategies aren’t updated to match our current circumstances, this defensive/apologetic stance makes it difficult to live a full and authentic life. It might be helpful to look at these tips for clearing childhood wounds and releasing ancestral baggage.

Once you have, here are four reminders to help you release this probationary approach to life.

  1. Your worth is unconditional

Although this might not be the message you received, the truth is that your worth is inherent. Not dependent on anything external. This is the universal truth that applies to all living beings. You are here not to make up for your existence, but to be grateful for it. To shine as brightly as you wish to, all your gifts in evidence.

  1. You’re here to take up space

You may have learned you need to hide to be safe. And if that’s the case, you can give that scared young part of you love and compassion, and take things slowly. Also, let that part know that your circumstances have changed. It is now not only safe, it’s actually safer than hiding, which is now causing you pain and distress. Because you’re here to be visible. To take up space. You don’t see trees in the forest huddling in the background, trying to make themselves scarce.

  1. You’re here to be YOU

A common strategy to survive our families, authority figures, and/or our peer group is to try to adapt to whatever we perceive as the majority or accepted way to be in order to fit in. However, if you’re not you, who will be?

If all the flowers in the world were the same, how boring would that be? We are all born with our own unique flavor of being, that we are meant to shine and thrive with. We are not meant to mimic everyone else, or play by cookie-cutter rules.

  1. The only expert on your life is you

Others may have opinions on how you live your life, your job, your clothes, your romantic partners and so on. But remember, other people’s judgments reflect on them (their values, beliefs, wounding, triggers etc.), not on you. The only person whose opinion matters is your own. Which isn’t to say you can’t honor or listen to others. But you have the final say.

Learn to listen to and trust your inner guidance, for it will lead you where you need to go. And if/when you feel stuck, and/or doubt creeps in, know that that’s just a scared young part needing reassurance. Pause, send love to the fear, and let that part know that it’s okay to be scared. It’s safe now. And wait until the doubt clears, or at least quiets, to take the next steps.

***

Next time you notice you’re making yourself small, getting defensive, stifling your voice to please others, judging yourself or others, I invite you to stop. And remind yourself:

“My life is NOT on trial. I have full permission to exist and take up space. Why else would I be here?”

 

 

Your Existence is NOT on Trial *2022-10-11T11:06:54+00:00

Clearing Ancestral Baggage *

Do you have beliefs and patterns that you feel like you were born with? Is there a history (known or surmised) of trauma in your ancestral lineage?

 

“When we heal ourselves, we heal the past, the present, and the future (…).There are four things our ancestors need from us: acknowledgment, validation, understanding, and forgiveness.”

– Steven Farmer, Healing Ancestral Karma

 

Beliefs and coping strategies that enabled our ancestors to survive often get hardwired into the next generations’ DNA, whether it is relevant to their situation or not. These may be inherited or learned from our parents, and/or may go much farther back. For example, my father’s ancestors were Latvian Jews who endured centuries of occupation and oppression. Some of the beliefs I have been untangling from that heritage are: “it’s not safe to pursue your dreams,” “we need to stay below the radar,” and “we need to work ourselves to the bones just to scrape by.” My father defied the first belief when he gave up a promising career and moved to Paris to be a writer, but he eventually had to give up on that dream to make a living. When I chose to leave the humanitarian world and pursue a vocation as a healer and writer, I found myself confronted with many obstacles and challenges. It wasn’t until I began to heal and clear some of the ancestral wounds, beliefs and coping strategies that things began to shift for me.

The following are just a few indicators you may have ancestral baggage that needs clearing:

  • You are replicating familial habits or coping strategies
  • You have hyper vigilance patterns that don’t match your past or current reality
  • You have patterns and beliefs you feel you were born with
  • Success and/or failure stories have been passed on as part of the family lore
  • Thinking about your family history (known or not) feels heavy
  • You feel stuck and don’t know why

The following are seven tips for clearing ancestral baggage:

1. Identify the pattern

First, identify a pattern or area of your life that you feel stuck in, that you sense you might have inherited. For example, are you wanting to leave your job, but fear is holding you back? Do you have a chronic health issue that is preventing you from thriving? Do you struggle with balancing your needs and those of others in your relationships and/or friendship?

2. Identify the belief

Now that you have identified the pattern, what belief do you think might be driving it? For example, “I’m the only one I can trust,” “if I’m not careful something really bad might happen,” “others’ needs matter more than I do.”

3. Trace the belief back in time

Imagine that you are tracing this belief back in time to the first time you started believing something similar. What was happening at the time?

Once you have spent a little time with any memory that might come up, I invite you to keep going back in time, until before your birth, to a time that one of your ancestors might have started believing this. You might get a felt sense of something, hear something, or get a visual.

If nothing comes up for you that’s totally fine. You might ask yourself: “did I learn this from my ancestors?” and see if you get a yes. You can also do automatic writing, where you write the question, and then jot down any answer you get.

If you get a yes, you might ask if it was on your mother’s line, or your father’s line. If you were adopted, you can do this for either your birth parents or your adoptive parents.

4. Explore the belief’s intention

When you have a sense of where this might have come from, ask the belief what its function is. What was going on at the time that your ancestors needed that belief to protect them? What strategy did your ancestor/s develop to survive?

5. Acknowledge the ancestors and validate their sacrifices

Once you have a sense of who might have developed this belief and why, I invite you to write the belief down, and perhaps light a candle or set up sacred space in any way that works for you. You can do this even if you aren’t sure where it came from, you just know somehow that there’s an ancestral component to it. Acknowledge your ancestors for the sacrifices they made to in order to survive and provide for their offspring. Let them know how smart it was of them to develop this belief and strategy, that it was exactly what they needed to do at the time.

6. Ask for their support in releasing it

Imagine that you are projecting a video of your current life for your ancestors, so they see how different your life and current circumstances are from theirs. Let them know that if/when you release this belief, you will be doing it in order to honor their sacrifices, and give back to them. Ask for their support in releasing the old belief and coping strategies, knowing that releasing it for you will also enable them to experience something different—through you. If/when it feels like you are ready, imagine that you are letting go of the old belief. If you wrote it down, you might tear it up. If it feels like something is in the way or blocking you, you may need to spend more time with the belief, your ancestors, and/or the young version of you who started developing this belief.

7. Replace the old strategy with a new one

Now, write down a new belief you would like to replace the old belief with. For example: “I can follow my dreams and be financially secure;” “it’s safe for me to shine.” “I am supported by the universe.” Imagine you are bringing this new belief into your crown (the top of your head). Feel it start to permeate the neural pathways that have been conditioned to the old belief. Then, feel it spreading through the rest of your body and into all the cells that were impacted by the old belief.

Additional resources for healing ancestral wounds:

  • “Ancestral Medicine: rituals for personal and family healing”, by Daniel Foor
  • “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn
  • “Healing Family Patterns: Ancestral Lineage Clearing for Personal Growth” by Ariann Thomas.

© Jenny Brav

 

 

 

 

Clearing Ancestral Baggage *2022-12-20T13:58:32+00:00
Radiant Wholeness Healing, 3099 Telegraph Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94705 | (510) 221-6426 | Copyright 2016 Jenny Brav | All Rights Reserved
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