abundance Archives - Radiant Wholeness Healing

Beyond a Scarcity Mindset *

Does it seem like there’s never enough (time, money, appreciation etc.)? Do you feel tight and contracted when you think of the future? Do you compare yourself to others to assess how you are doing?

“Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature.” – Steve Maraboli

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into” – Wayne Dyer.

Scarcity thinking is tight, competitive and narrow – predicated on the belief that there isn’t enough to go around. We are constantly scrambling – after time, validation, success – in order to prove that we are enough. This mindset is an adaptive response to external threats, and most likely stems from survival strategies developed by our ancestors. When resources are limited, being territorial and aggressive can help give us a competitive edge over others. Nowadays, however, for many of us this survival-based scarcity mentality is a stress-based negative feedback loop, fueled by our beliefs and past experiences rather than our current reality. Instead of helping us survive, it keeps us from thriving and manifesting our dreams.

During a session with one of my clients, we explored what we called her scoreboard – the way she was mentally keeping track in her relationships of who had the upper hand in generosity and giving. Although her scoreboard arose from a childhood experience that her needs were not important and from a desire for reciprocity, at this point it was just keeping her trapped in a small, contracted, and “tit for tat” world.

In this post, I will be describing nine ways of identifying and understanding the scarcity mindset, as well as eight tips for tuning into an abundance mindset.

Nine ways of recognizing when you are in a scarcity mindset:

1. Fight or flight mode

A scarcity mindset is intricately woven into being in survival mode. Many of us live in a state of hyper-arousal, where the slightest stressor gets interpreted by our nervous systems as a threat to our survival. Anxiety, hyper-vigilance, fear, reactivity and defensiveness are often signs of a scarcity mentality.

2. Not enough-ness

The basic premise for scarcity thinking is the idea that there isn’t enough to go around. Whenever we have a feeling that either we or others are not good enough, or that there isn’t enough [time, money, love, etc.] to go around, it is a good indicator that we are in scarcity mode.

3. Competitiveness

When there isn’t enough to go around, we need to fight for what’s ours, or somebody else will get our share. When we are in scarcity mode, we operate on a zero sum game of winners vs. losers. We are constantly trying to prove our worth. Even if we want to, it can be difficult deep down to celebrate others’ happiness and success, because it seems to highlight our own failure. As such, competitiveness, possessiveness, and envy can all point to a scarcity mindset.

4. Right/wrong thinking

Linked to a competitive win/lose mindset is right/wrong thinking. This is a black and white lens through which we view the world. In this mindset, we are constantly trying to prove that we are right, and differing viewpoints feel like a threat to our survival.

5. Keeping score

Another indicator of scarcity thinking is if we have an internal scoreboard that is keeping track of who did what. While fairness and reciprocity are both important values for many of us, tit for tat thinking can prevent us from accessing a space of open generosity and trust. For some people, paranoia and feeling like others are against us may also be tied to keeping score.

6. Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Another aspect of scarcity thinking is that even when things are going well, we are always waiting for something bad to happen. This is also linked to the negativity bias, by which we are evolutionarily trained to pay attention to negative cues in order to survive. As such, our attention is skewed towards remembering what is wrong rather than all the things that are going well.

7. Contraction and tightness

When we are in a scarcity mindset, our body is tight and contracted – ready to pounce at any moment, or in a state of fear. As such, a good way to know if we are in scarcity mode is to track our bodies.

8. Dissociation

Alternately, especially when we have a history of trauma, we may disconnect from our bodies altogether. This may take the form of a freeze state, where we feel stuck and dazed, unsure of what to do. Or our minds may take over, trying to manage everything by trying to figure things out.

9. Collapse or control

Another indicator of operating in a scarcity mindset is when we vacillate between states of collapse and control. In the first, we may feel powerless, hopeless, or in despair, and we have a sense of being at the mercy of the universe and others’ whims. In the other, we are trying to manage and control everything. Linked to the control mode is resistance to what is, and the feeling that things should somehow be different than they actually are.

So now that we have identified when we are operating from a scarcity mindset, how can we shift that?

8 tips for fostering an abundance mindset:

1. Acknowledge the scarcity mindset for its intention

When we make ourselves and our patterns wrong, we are merely reinforcing the right/wrong thinking. The first step to being able to shift out of this mindset is recognizing that we developed it for a reason. Oftentimes, the scarcity mindset is either a direct response to our childhood experience, or a pattern we inherited from our ancestral lineage – or both. Either way, acknowledge how being in survival mode helped you and/or your ancestors survive and get to where you are today. And start feeling into the possibility that this mindset no longer serves you.

2. Connect with your body

As noted above, a surefire way of identifying that you are in scarcity mode is tuning into your body. Start tracking when your body feels tight, numb, or when your thoughts spinning out of control.

Once you notice your patterns of tension and checking out, begin to cultivate ways of connecting to your body. This may be as simple as taking a deep breath or putting your hands on areas that feel tense. Or you may want to take up mindful practices such as meditation, qigong or yoga.

3. Keep a gratitude journal

A great way to counter the scoreboard mentality and the negativity bias is to start tracking all the things that are going well, and all the things you are grateful for. You can carry a notebook around with you to jot things down as they come to you, or write in a journal before going to bed, so the last thing you think of before sleep is all that went well, rather than mulling over problems. This isn’t about ignoring or neglecting actual problems needing attention, but is intended to start shifting your perspective from scanning for what’s wrong to recognizing the beauty accessible in each moment.

4. Acknowledge yourself and others

Once you start developing your capacity for gratitude, continue building that muscle by acknowledging yourself and others. You might also start tracking in your journal all the things you did right. In scarcity mode, we are often waiting for others to acknowledge us, whereas when we start tuning into an abundance mindset, we are able to give that to ourselves. And once you do, I invite you to start making it an intention to acknowledge and appreciate those around you. You may find that when others feel valued rather than criticized, their attitude towards you will shift too. And that way we can start valuing what we have when we have it, rather than just when we lose it.

5. Cultivate a win-win mindset

From an abundance perspective, rather than there being a finite amount of happiness to go around – meaning that if one person thrives, someone else is miserable – we recognize that we are all here to flourish and to inspire others to do the same. So the next time you feel like you have to fight for recognition, or that someone else’s success is taking away from you, ask yourself how things would be if this were a “win-win” game, rather than a zero sum game.

6. Begin to accept what is

Part of what keeps us stuck in a scarcity mindset is the belief that things should be different than they are, which leads us to resist reality. In order to start shifting out of that mode, I invite you to start noticing when you are fighting with the way things are (which might include fighting with how you are). And ask yourself: what is the resistance achieving for me? What would happen if I assumed that everything is as it should be?

7. Go on a technology/media fast

Although technology is an integral part of most of our lives, an over-consumption of news and media can exacerbate a scarcity mindset due to a) advertisements and programs that feed our fears, b) news that is focused on disasters and crises c) a plethora of distractions with which we can check out. For a week, try limiting your media consumption to certain times of the day, and notice how that impacts your perspective on things (including your sleep, which is vital to an abundance mindset).

8. Imagine you are co-creating your life with the universe

When you find yourself oscillating between collapse and control, ask yourself what it would be like if you were co-piloting your life with the universe. Rather than being at the mercy of the world or in total control of everything, see if you can find that sweet spot where you set a course, while trusting that wherever you are has its own wisdom you may not have the perspective to understand right now.

Clearing Ancestral Baggage *

Do you have beliefs and patterns that you feel like you were born with? Is there a history (known or surmised) of trauma in your ancestral lineage?

“When we heal ourselves, we heal the past, the present, and the future (…).There are four things our ancestors need from us: acknowledgment, validation, understanding, and forgiveness.”

– Steven Farmer, Healing Ancestral Karma

Beliefs and coping strategies that enabled our ancestors to survive often get hardwired into the next generations’ DNA, whether it is relevant to their situation or not. These may be inherited or learned from our parents, and/or may go much farther back. For example, my father’s ancestors were Latvian Jews who endured centuries of occupation and oppression. Some of the beliefs I have been untangling from that heritage are: “it’s not safe to pursue your dreams,” “we need to stay below the radar,” and “we need to work ourselves to the bones just to scrape by.” My father defied the first belief when he gave up a promising career and moved to Paris to be a writer, but he eventually had to give up on that dream to make a living. When I chose to leave the humanitarian world and pursue a vocation as a healer and writer, I found myself confronted with many obstacles and challenges. It wasn’t until I began to heal and clear some of the ancestral wounds, beliefs and coping strategies that things began to shift for me.

The following are just a few indicators you may have ancestral baggage that needs clearing:

You are replicating familial habits or coping strategies
You have hyper vigilance patterns that don’t match your past or current reality
You have patterns and beliefs you feel you were born with
Success and/or failure stories have been passed on as part of the family lore
Thinking about your family history (known or not) feels heavy
You feel stuck and don’t know why

The following are seven tips for clearing ancestral baggage:

1. Identify the pattern

First, identify a pattern or area of your life that you feel stuck in, that you sense you might have inherited. For example, are you wanting to leave your job, but fear is holding you back? Do you have a chronic health issue that is preventing you from thriving? Do you struggle with balancing your needs and those of others in your relationships and/or friendship?

2. Identify the belief

Now that you have identified the pattern, what belief do you think might be driving it? For example, “I’m the only one I can trust,” “if I’m not careful something really bad might happen,” “others’ needs matter more than I do.”

3. Trace the belief back in time

Imagine that you are tracing this belief back in time to the first time you started believing something similar. What was happening at the time?

Once you have spent a little time with any memory that might come up, I invite you to keep going back in time, until before your birth, to a time that one of your ancestors might have started believing this. You might get a felt sense of something, hear something, or get a visual.

If nothing comes up for you that’s totally fine. You might ask yourself: “did I learn this from my ancestors?” and see if you get a yes. You can also do automatic writing, where you write the question, and then jot down any answer you get.

If you get a yes, you might ask if it was on your mother’s line, or your father’s line. If you were adopted, you can do this for either your birth parents or your adoptive parents.

4. Explore the belief’s intention

When you have a sense of where this might have come from, ask the belief what its function is. What was going on at the time that your ancestors needed that belief to protect them? What strategy did your ancestor/s develop to survive?

5. Acknowledge the ancestors and validate their sacrifices

Once you have a sense of who might have developed this belief and why, I invite you to write the belief down, and perhaps light a candle or set up sacred space in any way that works for you. You can do this even if you aren’t sure where it came from, you just know somehow that there’s an ancestral component to it. Acknowledge your ancestors for the sacrifices they made to in order to survive and provide for their offspring. Let them know how smart it was of them to develop this belief and strategy, that it was exactly what they needed to do at the time.

6. Ask for their support in releasing it

Imagine that you are projecting a video of your current life for your ancestors, so they see how different your life and current circumstances are from theirs. Let them know that if/when you release this belief, you will be doing it in order to honor their sacrifices, and give back to them. Ask for their support in releasing the old belief and coping strategies, knowing that releasing it for you will also enable them to experience something different—through you. If/when it feels like you are ready, imagine that you are letting go of the old belief. If you wrote it down, you might tear it up. If it feels like something is in the way or blocking you, you may need to spend more time with the belief, your ancestors, and/or the young version of you who started developing this belief.

7. Replace the old strategy with a new one

Now, write down a new belief you would like to replace the old belief with. For example: “I can follow my dreams and be financially secure;” “it’s safe for me to shine.” “I am supported by the universe.” Imagine you are bringing this new belief into your crown (the top of your head). Feel it start to permeate the neural pathways that have been conditioned to the old belief. Then, feel it spreading through the rest of your body and into all the cells that were impacted by the old belief.

Additional resources for healing ancestral wounds:

“Ancestral Medicine: rituals for personal and family healing”, by Daniel Foor
“It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn
“Healing Family Patterns: Ancestral Lineage Clearing for Personal Growth” by Ariann Thomas.