Channeled Message to Delight in the Messiness

These times are messy. All the old structures are collapsing. How could it be anything else? Divinely, beautifully, perfectly, disastrously messy. Delight in it. Imagine you are a child playing in mud.

Because in many ways that is what you are. Being reborn into a new iteration of you that is not trying to be anything other than what you are. And that is terrifying to the parts that learned being fully you wasn’t acceptable. Wasn’t safe.

Let it be terrifying. Chaotic. And magical. Full of possibility. The parts that want order and predictability are just vestiges of the old paradigm that is currently collapsing.

Play in the mud. Let yourself get dirty. Laugh in the wreckage of your old life. Find the humor, if you can. Remember this is all perfect.

Your circumstances are bringing to the surface all that is wanting to be released into the light. You can either flounder in the old and be trapped in the box, or stomp on it and pretend you have risen above out of anger, or fear, or aversion, but in fact you’ve only stowed away the box of wounds for them to arise again at another time for the love and healing they need.

Or instead, you can flatten the box, flip it over, bring love to all that has been stored there (the wounds, repressed emotions, old beliefs and coping strategies), find the ground beneath — at your feet and in the earth. And, when you have found your center again, the ground within, release the contents of the box back to light, vibration and sound. Like captive birds being freed from their cages at last.

 

 

© Jenny Brav

Channeled Message to Delight in the Messiness2024-07-19T22:14:42+00:00

Navigating Transition *

Are you in a time of change? Do you feel overwhelmed and out of control?

“hold still. stay there. tease back the layers. you are in the space between your comfort zone and infinity. you want to hide. not be seen. not be open. not be vulnerable. but you have to.”

– Jeanette LeBlanc

This is a time of great transition for many people. Even when the change is something we’ve worked hard to achieve, it can still trigger old fears and coping strategies. And if the transition is an unwelcome one, it can definitely turn our world upside down.

As children, many of us experienced change as uncomfortable, disempowering, and at times, threatening to our survival. As such, we often developed coping strategies of control and hyper vigilance to try to feel safe. Big life changes can trigger fear of the unknown and anxiety. It may also be challenging to make smaller transitions from work to the weekend, from wakefulness to sleep, and so on.

 

The following are 6 tips for navigating transition so you can feel grounded and light in moving forward:

1. Notice your response

I invite you to get really curious about your reaction to this period of change. Notice any areas of your body that are calling for attention. What emotions are arising? What thoughts are coming up for you about yourself or the world? You might want to jot down what you are observing in a journal.

2. Identify your beliefs

As you begin to notice your own response, start feeling into a belief about yourself or the World that might be underlying your response. For example, “I’m not good enough,” “I have to control things to be safe,” “change is terrifying.” Is this a familiar belief and feeling? If you wish, you might trace this feeling back to an earlier time, perhaps in childhood, when you felt something similar. What was going on? What led you to develop the belief you just identified?

3. Give yourself empathy

When we are struggling, we often add insult to injury by berating ourselves and resisting our own reaction – i.e. “what is wrong with me?!” While this usually comes from a desire to shift our response, our self-criticism usually only serves to reinforce the parts that are afraid or resistant. You might choose to play with naming and accepting your feelings. I like saying hello to whatever is coming up.

For example: “Hi fear. Hi anxiety. I know you are there. I know you HATE change. I get it. I know that change was often super scary when I was a young. It’s OK to be scared.”

4. Find the ground within

When faced with an uncertain situation, many of us have learned to try to control, manage and predict external conditions to feel safe. That will only lead our minds to spin out of control. The pathway back to safety is through the body and returning to the current moment. Feel your breath. Notice sounds outside. I also encourage finding a short practice you can do every day that helps you feel grounded. A few that I like are: tapping all over my body from top to bottom; shaking for a minute or two; sending my breath down my spine, legs, and all the way to my toes; touching a tree and discharging any anxiety I might have.

5. Invite in new beliefs

Look back at your identified belief about yourself or the world. Now that you have acknowledged your feelings and started finding ways to ground internally, imagine what new beliefs you might replace the old beliefs with. For example “this can be easy.” “I’m creating my own reality, and I’m choosing for this to be fun.” “I am enough.” “My worth is innate and not dependent on my performance.”

6. Do a ritual to mark the transition

I’m a big proponent of rituals to mark the end of one era and the beginning of another (see my blog posts on closing rituals and new beginnings). These practices allow us to take a step back and reflect on what we are leaving behind and what is opening up for ourselves, rather than feeling like we are in the middle of the spin cycle of life.

Here is a brief outline of a ritual you can do either as a meditation, a nature walk outside, or a ritual at home (perhaps lighting a candle, or setting the space in any way that feels good to you). You can also do this as a reflective exercise with your journal:

  • Feel into what is coming to a close for you. What were the lessons you learned? What are you grateful for? What are you wanting to leave behind as you move forward?
  • Feel into the time that is to come. What is shifting for you? What is the theme of this era? What do you want to call in for yourself (this might be qualities, support, or something specific you want to manifest)?
  • What is a question you are sitting with as you enter this new era? For example: How do I let go of what no longer serves me? How can I bring in more ease and joy? You might imagine you are dropping the question into the top of your head and letting it seep into your body. For the next week, pay attention to your dreams, things people say to you, and any messages from the natural World.

May you find peace and ease in this time of change.

Change is the time of the chrysalis –
The soupy mess
Between the caterpillar
And the butterfly.
It is the space from
A and B
We so often try to skip over
In our impatience to arrive.
We forget that there is no future, no there  —
Only the building blocks
Of each present moment
Bleeding into the next.
If I am not here,
Now,
Then I will never arrive.
Because when I land
Into the future
I fret about now,
I will have already jumped
Onto the next worry train,
Having missed the beauty
Of the scenery
Along the way.

© Jenny Brav

 

 

 

 

Navigating Transition *2024-03-26T10:30:20+00:00

Emotional hygiene: online resources for uncertain times

We are all being impacted by the covid-19 pandemic in different ways. For most of us, old wounds, beliefs, and/or survival strategies have been activated to some degree. Some of us are going into freeze mode: feeling overwhelmed, and wanting to check out/shut down. Others are going into an aborted flight response (since we can’t actually flee): feeling anxious and hyper-vigilant. Yet others are going into fight mode: resisting what is, or getting angry about how things are being handled. Or we might be cycling through all of them. Whatever our response, we can offer compassion and understanding for what is coming up for us.

While caring for our emotional hygiene can easily go on a back burner in the face of everything else that is happening, feeling grounded is just as important for our immune system as eating the right foods, taking supplements, and hand-washing. The following is a list of some online resources for grounding and dealing with difficult emotions. It is in no way exhaustive and many of the online groups are local (to the Bay Area), but it is a starting place.

Grounding/meditation resources

Working with difficult emotions:

Online community events

For some of us, this might be a good time to pursue creative endeavors we might not normally have time for (alone or as a family), such as writing, painting/drawing, dancing at home…

For those looking for community events:

Yoga/movement:

While it can seem that being quarantined, on lockdown, or “sheltering in place” would mean having to stay inside all the time that is not the case in most places, and I highly recommend being in nature if possible.

I’m not going to list all the online fitness, yoga, and movement resources available (thankfully, there are many). Local dance, fitness, yoga etc. classes are all going online. Many of those can be found on meetup, too.

My favorite online yoga teacher is Yoga With Adriene. She has numerous free videos, and has created a “yoga for uncertain times” playlist: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene/playlists. Her rainbow yoga video can be done with the whole family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF7O6-QabIo, and she has at least one video for kids.

This is an example of a weekly online movement class: https://www.jennevieveybarra.com/online-embodiment.

Qigong is also a wonderful movement practice for grounding, and this is one example of classes that have gone online: https://www.qigonginstitute.org/category/8/classes-and-online-qigong

Other: 

This is a list of informational and other resources, and includes possible online activities (such as museum virtual tours, and “digital safaris”): https://www.hunterleight.com/covid19-resources

Stay safe and healthy. Feel free to share this with others who might find it useful. If you have other suggestions that might fit in this list you can send them to me, and I’ll be periodically updating the resources on my website.  

© Jenny Brav

Emotional hygiene: online resources for uncertain times2020-03-24T00:19:27+00:00

From Stuckness to Flow *

Do you feel stuck in an area of your life, or in a certain pattern? Does it feel like there’s an internal tug of war between different parts of you?

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” – Mandy Hale

At some point in our life, most of us feel stuck in one or more areas of our lives. This might come up in the context of relationships, work, or health. Or we might feel stuck in a pattern, habit or addiction we’ve been unable to shift. Recently, for example, I’ve felt a little stuck in knowing how to move forward with the revision process of my novel’s rough draft. I have felt overwhelmed and confused by often contradictory feedback I was getting, and my own doubts.

From an energetic standpoint, however, it is not possible to be stuck, as everything is in constant flux. However, there are many reasons we may get disconnected from that natural state of flow, and feel stuck. The following are five possible reasons:

  • We are resisting what is

When our current reality does not match our idea of how we want things to be, most of us go into resistance (for example, constantly griping about our work, living situation, relationship, health, or whatever we are unhappy about). Although the intention of the resistance is purportedly to help motivate us to change our circumstances, more often than not fighting with reality actually keeps us mired in it. As they say, whatever we resist, persists.

  • Different parts of us are at odds with each other

Feeling stuck is often an indicator that part of us is ready to let go of a belief or pattern, whereas the part that developed it is hanging on for dear life. For example, our adult self may have a strong desire to be more visible and step into our power, while a child part that got the message we had to hide to be safe is digging his/her heals. And the more impatient the adult part gets, the more terrified and frozen the child part is. This can be true for addictive patterns. A part of us wants to let go as we can see the harm it is causing us (and potentially others), while another part of us is terrified of being present and feeling what is here.

  • We are in a trauma or freeze state

When we explore deeper into the stuck feeling, there is almost always fear (of failure, of success, of visibility, of rejection etc.). For those of us who have experienced trauma and survived by going into a freeze state and/or by disassociating, stuckness may further be a sign of trauma activation. Feeling numb or empty is often an indicator of that.

  • We have a strong inner critic

Many of us have developed a negative inner narrative about ourselves. Although this voice’s intention is usually to motivate us to do better, many of us feel paralyzed by the constant self-flagellation. As soon as we start moving forward in our lives, the inner critic fires a litany of warnings/worst case scenarios. For more on the inner critic, click here.

  • We are holding onto control

Accessing a state of flow usually requires letting go of control, and trusting that everything is OK. Another reason we might feel stuck, is that our mind is busy trying to fix, control and manage, all of which are maintaining us in a tight, constricted place. As such, feeling stuck is also often linked to an inherent sense of mistrust. Mistrusting our inner knowing, others, the universe…

***

So now that we’ve identified a few reasons why we might feel stuck, the following are 5 tips for accessing more flow:

  • Notice the stuckness in your body

When you feel stuck, where do you feel it in your body, and what does it feel like? For example, you might experience it as a weight in your chest, or an empty feeling in your stomach. Or your body might feel numb (or like you aren’t in your body) which as noted above is often an indicator of a survival and/or trauma response. Starting with physical sensations can help us gain some distance from any story we might have about the area of our life or pattern we feel stuck in.

  • Feel the emotions

Stuckness is almost invariably a sign of an emotion we are trying to avoid feeling. As you start connecting with the physical sensations in your body, begin to notice any emotions there. Is there sadness? Fear? Anger? Overwhelm? A sense of powerlessness? To the extent possible, allow whatever arises to be there, without judgment. And if you are too numb or disassociated to feel emotions, ask yourself: “if there were an emotion associated with this feeling, what might it be?” and notice if anything arises. If not, that is perfectly fine too.

  • Identify the beliefs behind the stuck feeling

Now that you’ve started feeling the stuckness in your body, and noticing what emotions might be associated with it, I invite you to start identifying what beliefs might be contributing to the lack of flow. If you have a strong inner critic, one way of doing this is by starting to listen to the negative inner talk. This might lead you to identify beliefs such as “I’m not enough,” “Nothing I do will amount to anything,” “I’m dumb,” “I’m not enough.”

Or you might start feeling into what beliefs/fears come up when you think about the situation or pattern in which you are stuck. Three beliefs that have come up recently with different clients were “it’s not safe to be visible,” “everything is a trap,” and “making the wrong decision can ruin the family.” The first came up when we were investigating blocks around money, the second when we exploring anxiety thoughts coming up around health issues, and the third when looking at fears around leaving a current job. Either/or beliefs are common as well: “I can either have connection or autonomy, but not both.” “Either my needs will get met, or theirs.” Our limiting beliefs may also be inherited from our ancestors, especially if those beliefs enabled them to survive.

  • Bring healing to the younger self

Start feeling into the younger version of you who might have developed these beliefs. What was going on in your life at the time to lead to that belief? If it feels appropriate, you might close your eyes, and imagine that your adult self is there with your younger self. Let him/her/them know that you are there. That you care. That they are not alone anymore. Perhaps tell them that it was smart of them to develop that belief based on their experience. And that it’s just a belief. Not the ultimate truth. If you and your younger self are ready to let go of the belief, you might write it down, and then cross it out or tear it up. You can then write down what new belief you might want to replace the old belief with. For example, “I’m enough.” “It’s safe for me to start trusting again.” “The trap is fear. I can open the door whenever I want.”

  • Visualize your life in a state of flow

Now that you have started bringing healing your younger self and releasing some of your limiting beliefs, I invite you to close your eyes again. Imagine that it is 6 months or a year from now, and you are no longer stuck in that area of your life and/or pattern. What does your life look like? What are you feeling internally? Visualize it in as much detail as possible. Then imagine that you are dropping this image into your crown (at the top of your head), and let it ripple out throughout your body. The invitation is to do that every day for 21 days.

Click below for a guided meditation that walks you through this process:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2019 by Jenny Brav. All rights reserved.   

From Stuckness to Flow *2024-02-21T13:06:42+00:00

Detox Your Thoughts *

Can your inner dialogue be pretty negative? Do you find your thoughts looping endlessly on the same track?

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it” – Eckhart Tolle

Spring and summer are a good time to declutter. Many of us take the opportunity to clean out our closets and get rid of what we don’t need. We may also go on a cleanse or juice fast to flush out our intestines.

But what about detoxing our minds? Our thoughts can be pretty toxic – towards ourselves, others, or life in general. While negative or ruminative thinking often has a protective intention – to scan for danger and motivate us to survive if not succeed – the actual result is that we feel stuck and overwhelmed. Our thoughts can greatly contribute to (and even cause) our suffering. Unless we have an intentional practice such as meditation (and even if we do), our thoughts often run the show – unchecked.

Here are some indicators you might need a thought detox:

Inner Critic: You have a negative internal narrative that doesn’t let you off the hook. Feelings of being a fraud (i.e. the Imposter Syndrome), feelings of inadequacy, not being enough, feeling stupid or ugly, the thought “I suck” are all examples of an active inner critic.

Judgment: You catch yourself habitually judging others and yourself. This is often linked to expectations and ideals of how we think things should we.

Resistance to what is: Similarly, you are often at war with the present moment, wishing things were different than how they actually are.

Anxiety/depression: You are prone to anxious, ruminative thoughts. Alternatively (or concurrently), you tend towards depression.

Negativity bias: You are often focused on what is wrong and what you don’t have.

Difficulty Sleeping: You struggle with sleeping enough – it might be hard to get to sleep, stay asleep or feel rested. While there may be a number of reasons for disturbed sleep that are not linked to our thoughts, the latter are often a contributing factor.

Future/past focus: You spend a lot of energy worrying about or planning for the future. Or you might cling to past stories and grievances.

 

If you identified with some or many of the above, you are not alone. Many of the indicators listed above were strategies we developed (or inherited) in order to better our lot and/or feel safe. However, it is possible to upgrade those strategies in order to feel lighter and more spacious.

The following are 7 tips for detoxing your thoughts:

1. Notice your thoughts

The first step is always awareness. Which of the above indicators did you identify with? You might want to keep a thought journal for a week. What triggers negative or ruminative thinking for you? What kinds of thoughts do you tend to have (i.e. self-critical, judgmental of others, anxious about the future, ruminating over the past…)?

2. Notice the impact

One you start tracking your thought patterns, notice the impact on you. How do you feel when you have those thoughts? What happens in your body – do certain parts contract, or do you leave your body? How do you think you might feel if you didn’t have the thought.

3. Get curious

Now that you have a sense of your pattern and its impact, I invite you to get curious. What are the thoughts trying to achieve for you? Are they trying to protect you from failure? Do they want to motivate you to be better? Are they trying to justify what you are feeling? Do they want to prevent you from feeling vulnerable and exposed?

What is the emotion behind the thoughts? Is there fear? Sadness? Anger? Hopelessness?

4. Thank the thoughts

Once you’ve identified what the thoughts are trying to achieve for you, send them gratitude for their intention. If it feels accessible/appropriate, you can also send gratitude to whatever younger version of you developed this pattern in order to feel a little safer.

5. Hit the pause button

Ask yourself, are the thoughts really achieving the intention they have for you? Do you feel more motivated to work harder after having the thought “I suck” (or whatever thought you had)? And if they aren’t, is there a different way you could be meeting those needs?

Next time you notice yourself going down the ruminative thinking rabbit hole, I invite you to pause. Thank the thought for its intention. And return to your body and your breath.

6. Develop a gratitude practice

Gratitude has almost become a buzzword, but it is a great antidote to the negativity bias. I invite you to keep a daily gratitude/appreciation/acknowledgment journal where you track everything you are grateful for. Be sure to write down self-acknowledgements. Doing this last thing before going to sleep can help quiet the part of the brain that often wakes up chewing on what it thinks needs fixing from the previous day.

7. Return to the present moment

Mindfulness is like gratitude, but it’s also a very helpful practice for learning to gain a little bit of distance from our mind’s ceaseless chatter. Practices which foster mindfulness – which include yoga, meditation, conscious walking, qi gong and so on – are great ways to begin to retrain the neural networks.

 

 

 

Detox Your Thoughts *2022-02-16T03:18:05+00:00
Radiant Wholeness Healing, 3099 Telegraph Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94705 | (510) 221-6426 | Copyright 2016 Jenny Brav | All Rights Reserved
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