Do you find yourself arguing or negotiating with reality? Do you spend a considerable amount of mental energy ruminating about the past, or trying to control the future?
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Buddha.
While the Buddha’s invitation to be in the now and to accept things as they are has permeated mainstream Western culture as a desirable way to live, our societal conditioning is more than ever to live in our thoughts, and to see the present purely as a means to a future goal or as the outcome of past actions and decisions. Many of us are so busy leapfrogging over the present to get to the next thing we barely notice it. So what does it mean to live in the present, and accept things as they are?
Over the holidays, I had the chance to sit with that question. Literally. For hours on end. I participated in my first 10-day silent Vipassana (in the Goenka tradition). Although a meditation retreat sounds restful and peaceful, we were up at 4am and in bed by 9:30am every day, with 10+ hours of meditation a day. We were not allowed to read, write, eat a meal after noon (other than fruit, for the new students), exercise, meditate outside, or communicate with each other in any way. The retreat provided me with many opportunities to sit with my resistance patterns. The first few days, I watched my mind as it chewed over things that were not going to change and grumbled at my decision to spend my only time off sleep deprived and in pain. While the thoughts and the pain did not entirely disappear, as the teachings progressed and I went deeper into myself, my relationship to them began to shift.
The following is a distillation of some of the main lessons I received from the experience and how they might apply to your life.
Being with things as they are
The cultivation of equanimity – the ability to remain internally grounded regardless of external circumstances – is fundamental to Buddhism and to Vipassana meditation. On day 4 of the retreat, we were asked to practice “strong determination” and to commit to not moving during the three formal hour-long sits of the day. In the recordings of Goenka that were played each night, he invited us over and over to notice “things how they are, not how you want to be.” I realized how much concentration it required of me to be present in each moment, and how much faster time went by when I let my mind wander off on its thought trains.
I invite you to start feeling into your own resistance patterns. Are there areas of your life you are unhappy about? Is it difficult to accept certain things about yourself, other people, or your circumstances? While we think that arguing with reality is the only way to bring about change, in truth it only serves to multiply our misery, and often keeps us stuck in the very situations we are wanting to shift. Try tracking for an entire day all the times you resist or check out from the present moment in a day. And ask yourself what it might be like to just allow that things are as they are, at least for now.
“Resistance keeps you stuck. Surrender immediately opens you to the greater intelligence that is vaster than the human mind (…). So through surrender often you find circumstances changing” – Eckhart Tolle
Not good or bad
Our human brains are trained to judge and classify, and we are continuously sorting things through a good/bad lens, which has us continuously running after the good and attempting to avoid the bad. In order to reach greater equanimity, the invitation is to begin to retrain our minds towards neutrality and acceptance.
Begin to notice your patterns of aversion and craving. What kinds of things do you avoid? For example, it may be judgment, uncertainty, feelings of failure, crowded places, being alone. What kinds of avoidance or distraction strategies have you developed in order to try and avert that? And conversely, what do you cling to and crave? Often they may be the flip side of what you are wanting to avoid.
“Nothing is wrong—whatever is happening is just “real life.” – Tara Brach
This too shall pass
Another importance concept Buddhism is that of impermanence. While we are in the middle of a difficult situation, it often feels as though it is never going to change. As I sat with excruciating pain shooting through my shoulder, it was all I could do not to massage it or change my position. But as I focused my attention inside the pain, I could feel subtle pulsing all around it, until the stabbing intensity started to dissolve. Goenka reminded us over and over again that the pleasant sensations were also impermanent, and that if we started chasing after them we would only be causing misery for ourselves.
Next time you are unhappy with your situation or experiencing difficult emotions, remind yourself that “this too shall pass,” and that the less resistance and story there is around whatever is arising, the faster it will pass. And when things are going well, remind yourself that this too shall pass. While this thought can create pain and fear, it can creating space for greater appreciation of the current moment.
Dis-identifying with your thoughts
Perhaps one of the trickiest ideas in Buddhism to fully grasp is that of no self. Goenka pointed out that much of the suffering we create for ourselves is because of our identification with our thoughts and with our sense of self. If the same thing were happening to someone else, we would not have the same reaction. Once I was able to sit with equanimity (for the most part) with my pain, defensive thoughts got hold of my psyche. While they felt much more personal than the physical pain, I was able to see how those thoughts were not me, and were just pulling me out of the present moment. And when I got to the place where my body was just molten liquid dissolving into all the other atoms around me, I caught glimpses of the inter-connectedness of all things.
The mantra I repeated many times to myself during and after the retreat which summarized the teachings was: “not good, not bad, not mine, not personal, not permanent.” Next time you notice yourself identifying with your thoughts or your pain, I invite you to repeat the mantra, or any other that resonates with you. And remember, this too shall pass.
© Jenny Brav
