Does doubt get in the way of your desires and goals? Do you find yourself paralyzed with fear when making decisions?

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

– William Shakespeare

 

 

Most (if not all of us) experience doubt at some point, a time when we are unsure of what to do or second-guess a decision we have made. For some, however, self-doubt is a crippling part of daily reality and can lead to paralysis and self-sabotage.

In my experience, self-doubt is a survival strategy that we may inherit from those around us, or learn at a time when being in our power feels dangerous. Just as bravado can be a false substitute for self-esteem, self-doubt can be a stand-in for humility. Wherever there is doubt, there is an internal split between our own knowing and the part of ourselves that has learned to mistrust our intuition.

The following are five tips for understanding and healing self-doubt so you can move through your life with greater ease and confidence.

# 1: Observe your doubt

I invite you to start tracking your doubt, noticing both situations in which you go into doubt and/or criticism, and those (if accessible) when you feel sure of yourself and in your power. Start noticing what triggers your self-doubt. What does your self-critic have to say to you when you go into doubt? Where do you feel it in your body when you feel doubt? Ask yourself if these feelings are familiar. Conversely, notice what it feels like when doubt isn’t present. How does that feel in your body? What are the conditions present then? If it feels like those moments are not currently accessible keep going through the points in the blog post and see if that shifts.

# 2: Track the doubt back in time

Now that you are starting to get more acquainted with your patterns of doubt, we can explore what the doubt is trying to achieve for you. I invite you to think back to your earliest memory of doubting yourself (you may not have any memories of not doubting yourself, which is also useful information). What was happening at the time? Did someone model doubt for you? Did you get any negative messages about being in your power (i.e. that you were arrogant, or would be punished)? Ask your doubt what it is trying to protect you from? While it might not seem that doubt serves any function but to make your life miserable, when you (or the family member you inherited it from) first developed this pattern it served a vital purpose.

# 3: Send empathy to the doubt

With the understanding that the doubt isn’t trying to hold you back but is doing what it thinks is needed to protect you, see if you can send empathy to your doubt and to the younger part of you who developed this pattern of self-doubt. Imagine that your current self is with your younger selves, sending them gratitude for having done whatever was needed to survive. And letting them know that their circumstances have changed, and that now is their time to thrive. That it is finally safe to reconnect with the inner knowing they had felt they had to separate from in order to avoid punishment or get a sense of belonging.

# 4: Connect with your body and grounding

Linked to doubt is often a feeling of a small self, of being at the mercy of the world. Doubt is our mind’s way of trying to control things and trying to hedge the outcome, which usually leads our thoughts to spin around in circles. In my experience, the best way to overcome endless rumination and fear of getting it wrong is to connect to your own intuitive knowing, which is most easily accessed when we are in fully inhabiting our bodies (rather than just walking minds).

If you can, think of a time when you had an intuitive knowing about a situation or decision. How did that feel in your body? Every day, spend a minute or two calling up that feeling in the body (and if nothing comes up, skip this and go on to the step described in the next sentence). Now, make a list of activities that help you feel more connected to yourself and your body. The list might include gardening, taking walks or hikes, swimming, dancing, creating art, journaling, meditating, doing yoga, going to the gym and so on. Commit to doing something each day, even for 5 minutes, that helps you feel more in your body.

# 5: Imagine that there is no way of getting it wrong

Also connected to doubt is the idea that is the belief that if we don’t “get it right,” the consequences may be dire. As such, we may end up approaching each of our actions and decisions with a heavy sense of dread and terror of getting it wrong.

At the beginning of my transition from international humanitarian work to setting up my own healing practice, I went through a period of doubt. One day while in meditation, I asked for support in reconnecting with my own knowing and clarity. As I breathed into the tightness in my chest, I accessed this clear sense that I was neither in charge of my life nor at the mercy of the universe (the two ends of the pendulum I often swung between), but rather co-piloting my life with the universe. As I explored this possibility, I was able to feel that I was supported in each moment. And that even when things weren’t going as I hoped, in hindsight I was always getting the exact lesson that I needed to grow and heal old wounds and limiting beliefs. When I was able to see that there was no way of getting it wrong, I could approach each moment with a sense of openness and curiosity.

We are not here to get it right, but to have fun, explore the edge of possibility, and grow from the lessons embedded in our “mistakes”.

Doubt is the undertow of my dreams
The refuse of old wounds pulling me down
Into a netherworld of fear.
Doubt keeps me trapped
In the illusion of a small self
And clouds the console of my internal compass —
Which goes beyond a fear-based sense of right and wrong
And spreads to all four corners of my intuitive knowing.
As I shed the remnants of doubt from my heart and soul
I feel the flow of life returning to my veins.
I am home.

 © Jenny Brav